Weblog
Monday, 31 December 2007
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New Blog
After months of dissatisfaction with Xanga, I've decided to close down the blog.
Coincidentally, I've decided to start a new blog!
Look for it here: http://drizzlewizzle.blogspot.com/
-Drew
Thursday, 20 December 2007
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"A Date," or, "How I Got Pepper Sprayed At A Resaurant"
I've promised this story to a lot of people. It's time to satisfy your curiosity. We'll tell this story like Quentin Tarantino: you'll get to hear the end, then we'll back up and see how I got to that point.
The end of the story: I get pepper sprayed.
Let's see how we got there, shall we?
***
Before dinner, I asked my date where she wanted to go eat. She asked for some options.
Me: Do you want to go someplace nice or fun?
Date: Fun.
Me: Someplace local? Or a big national chain?
Date: Local.
Me: Do you want to go somplace American or someplace ethnic?
Date: American.
So, I made an executive decision, and took the girl to the Blue Danube, aka The 'Dube. The 'Dube is to Ohio State students what Freeway was to Clay High School students. It's a little diner that everybody goes to, ALL THE TIME. The food is cheap, good, and the company is always great.
Date and I sat down at the table. We then had the following conversation...
Date: What's good?
Me: Well, I always get a burger. I know a lot of people who get breakfast -- eggs and stuff.
Date: Ew. I don't eat hamburgers.
Me: Oh, I didn't know you were a vegetarian.
Date: I'm not.
Me: Oh. I didn't know you were from Soviet Russia, then. What do you mean, you've don't eat hamburgers?
Date: Well, my parents never took me to get fast food when I was a kid. I just never started eating them. I get a lot of chicken sandwiches.
Me: Really. Well, then, go with breakfast.
Date: Oh, I don't eat eggs.
Me: Why not?
Date: They smell funny.
Me: They smell like eggs.
Date: Well, then, EGGS SMELL FUNNY.
Me: Okay, then don't get eggs. Everything on the menu is pretty good.
(Drew and Date look at menu)
Me: Do you want to get an appetizer?
Date: I was thinking so.
Me: How about potato skins?
Date: Oh, I don't eat potatos.
Me: What? Like, no mashed?
Date: No.
Me: Baked?
Date: No.
Me: Fine, no potato skins, then.
(Waitress arrives.)
Waitress: Are you guys ready to order?
Me: Well, I'm ready...
Date: You know what? I'm ready, too. I'm going to take the plunge. I'll have a hamburger.
Me: Brave.
Waitress: What do you want for your sides?
Date: I'll take steamed vegetables and french fries.
Me: Wait a second. Aren't fries--
Date: Fries don't count.
Me: Okay. I'll have a burger, as well, with fries and applesauce.
Date: Uck.
Me: What's wrong with applesauce?
Date: Well, my grandma used to make me homemade apple sauce, and ever since she died, I can't eat it. Even watching somebody eat it makes me sick to my stomach.
Me: ...okay.
(Later, after our food arrives.)
Me (pointing over date's shoulder): Hey, what's that?
Date (turning): What?
(Drew says nothing, and instead scarfs down his applesauce.)
Date: You don't have to do that, you know.
Me: No, I'm done, don't worry about it.
Date: Okay. (Dips french fry in mayonnaise.)
Me: Oh, you're one of those people. At least you're not one of those people who mixes ketchup and mayonnaise together, and dips fries in that.
Date: I'd never do that. I don't eat ketchup.
Me: Really.
Date: Well, it's nothing wrong with the ketchup itself. It's just that I don't eat anything that's the color red.
Me: You can't be serious. Apples?
Date: I'll eat yellow ones.
Me: Pizza?
Date: Pizza's fine, because the sauce is covered by the cheese.
Me: Wow.
Now, at this point in the date, I open my mouth to say something more... but I cough. I take a drink of water, and cough again.
At the table next to me, a man in a olive green coat stands up and walks, very briskly, out of the restaurant. The other two people at the table quickly follow.
I cough again. A woman at the table behind us coughs. I say, "Wow, I know that coughing is contagious, but I didn't think it worked that fast."
My date then begins to cough. I cough. Everybody in the restaurant starts coughing, in an ever-expanding circle centered upon the now-empty table next to me.
Turns out, one of those poeple from the now-empty table had sprayed pepper spray in the restaurant. I don't know if it was a dare, or an accident, or just somebody being a jerk. I do know that it emptied the entire diner.
On my way out, I passed by one of the waitresses, who is still coughing. She has a cigarette and a lighter in her hand.
Waitress: Man... (takes a drag on cigarette) ...that pepper spray shit will sure make you cough. (Waitress hacks and coughs, then takes another drag.)
***
It was an awkward end to a strange date. Pretty much the story of my life.
Wednesday, 12 December 2007
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Fantasy Hockey -- Hello Roto?
Hey Blog, it's been a month. Sorry.
Tomorrow, tune in for a blog about pepper spray. Today, I'm going to get back into the flow of things by playing a little fantasy hockey game. I call it, "What if we were a roto league?"
In a roto league, your total stats are all that matter. You earn points at a ration inverse to your league position in a particular stat category. (In other words, if you're in first place in an 8-team league, you get 8 points. If you're in 8th, you get 1. If you're in first in a 12-team league, you get 12 points, 8th place gets 4 points, 12th gets 1.) Ties average out the total points in the category, and each tied team gets the average.
In head-to-head leagues (like my Give Blood Play Fantasy Hockey league) yearly stats don't matter. You play against an opponent each week, in a set number of categories. If you win the category, 2 points; tie, 1 point; lose, zero. At the end of the year, your points put you in the playoffs (or not). It's possible that you could get first place in the league while having the lowest totals for the year in every stat category, if every opponent had a bad week against your team. Similarly, if every team has a huge week when they play your team, you could be ohe best overall team in the league, but in last place.
Now, I've been wondering all year why Dugan's team is doing so poorly. They aren't that bad, on paper. I've wondered if, maybe, Tim's team is actually performing well, but losing to teams on hot streaks. So the question is...
WHAT IF OUR LEAGUE WERE A ROTO LEAGUE?
Analysis
Stats are below.
What really surprised me was how dominant James' team is in Roto format. Yes, he's in first in the H2H format by 3 points, but in Roto he's 10 points ahead of his nearest competitor. He has 73.5 out of a possible 88 points. (11 categories, 8 points per 1st place rank).
As I suspected, Tim's team is nowhere near as bad as his H2H results suggest. According to the Roto formula, Dugan is in 6th place with 48.5 Roto points, a mere 2.5 behind Geiger and 4.5 behind Luke. Tim is 14 Roto points ahead of Ray's 7th place Roto team. (Remember, however, that until recently Ray has devoted two roster spots to Selanne and Neidermeyer, neither of whom played a game for his team. This accounts for his unnaturally low skater statistics.)
Shilpa and I are separated by .5 Roto points, which is reflected in the H2H standings as a difference of 3 points. Not too bad.
Luke and Geiger are similarly close, separated by 2 Roto points. Luke leads Geiger by 3 points in the H2H standings.
So, how much of a factor does luck play in H2H? Quite a bit, apparently. Luck has put Luke's 53-point Roto team two points ahead of Shilpa's 62-point Roto team, one point behind my 61.5-point Roto team, and only four points behind the James' 73.5-point Roto team. Geiger has similarly benefited, a 51-point Roto team that is within 7 points of the H2H league leader.
On the flipside, Dugan has gotten kicked in the teeth this year. He's almost 30 H2H points behind a team that he'd be beating in Roto by 14 points.
This was a lot of math, and not something I'd do again soon, but I'll take another look like this closer to the end of the year. We'll see if the stats straighten themselves out.
-Drew
(Note: All stats are good as of 12-12-07)
This is an 8-team league, so 1st place gets you 8 points, 2nd gets you 7, etc.
Regular Season Champs:
Goals: 152, two-way tie 1st. 7.5 points.
Assists: 243. 4th. 5 points.
Points: 395, 2nd. 7 points.
+/-: 23, 3rd. 6 points.
PIM: 506, 1st. 8 points. (Nobody else is within 125 PIMs of this guy.)
PPP: 163, 1st. 8 points.
GWG: 24, two-way tie 1st. 7.5 points.Total Skaters: 48 points. 1st.
W: 24, 7th. 2 points.
S%: .919, 1st. 8 points.
GAA: 2.33, 1st. 8 points.
SO: 7, two-way tie 1st. 7.5 points.Total Goalies: 25.5 points. 2nd.
Total: 73.5 points. 1st.
Go Bear or Go Home:
Goals: 128, 6th. 3 points.
Assists: 251, 2nd. 7 points.
Points: 379, 4th. 5 points.
+/-: 7. Two-way tie 5th. 3.5 points.
PIM: 282, 7th. 2 points.
PPP: 162, 2nd. 7 points.
GWG: 23, three-way tie 3rd. 5 points.Total Skaters: 32.5 points. Tie, 4th.
W: 38, 1st. 8 points.
S%: .912, 2nd. 7 points.
GAA: 2.42, two-way tie 2nd. 6.5 points.
SO: 7, two-way tie 1st. 7.5 points.Total Goalies: 29 points. 1st.
Total: 61.5 points. 3rd.
Hockeytown Studs:
Goals: 152, two-way tie 1st. 7.5 points.
Assists: 263, 1st. 8 points.
Points: 415, 1st. 8 points.
+/-: 54, 1st. 8 points.
PIM: 295, 6th. 3 points.
PPP: 159, 3rd. 6 points.
GWG: 20, 6th. 3 points.Total Skaters: 43.5 points. 2nd.
W: 33, tie 3rd. 5.5 points.
S%: .909, three-way tie 3rd. 5 points.
GAA: 2.71. 7th. 2 points.
SO: 5, 3rd. 6 points.Total Goalies: 18.5 points. 5th.
Total: 62 points. 2nd.
Tootoo2you2:
Goals: 147, 3rd. 6 points.
Assists: 212, 7th. 2 points.
Points: 359, 6th. 3 points.
+/-: 7, two-way tie 5th. 3.5 points.
PIM: 296, 5th. 4 points.
PPP: 138, 5th. 4 points.
GWG: 24, two-way tie 1st. 7.5 points.Total Skaters: 30 points. 6th.
W: 30, 5th. 4 points.
S%: .909, three-way tie 3rd. 5 points.
GAA: 2.60, 5th. 4 points.
SO: 4, three-way tie 4th. 4 points.Total Goalies: 21 points. 3rd.
Total: 51 points. 5th.
The Players:
Goals: 143, two-way tie 4th. 4.5 points.
Assists: 246, 3rd. 6 points.
Points: 389, 3rd. 6 points.
+/-: 14, 4th. 5 points.
PIM: 275, 8th. 1 point.
PPP: 149, 4th. 5 points.
GWG: 23, three-way tie 3rd. 5 points.Total Skaters: 32.5 points. Tie, 4th.
W: 34, 2nd. 7 points.
S%: .905, 6th. 3 points.
GAA: 2.42, two-way tie 2nd. 6.5 points.
SO: 4, three-way tie 4th. 4 points.Total Goalies: 20.5 points. 4th.
Total: 53 points. 4th.
Welchington Panthers:
Goals: 113, 7th. 2 points.
Assists: 215, 6th. 3 points.
Points: 328, 7th. 2 points.
+/-: 1, 7th. 2 points.
PIM: 378, 2nd. 7 points.
PPP: 133, 7th. 2 points.
GWG: 13, 7th. 2 points.Total Skaters: 20 points. 7th.
W: 33, tie 3rd. 5.5 points.
S%: .902, 7th. 2 points.
GAA: 2.61, 6th. 3 points.
SO: 4, three-way tie 4th. 4 points.Total Goalies: 14.5 points. 7th.
Total: 34.5 points. 7th.
Duganville Pirates:
Goals: 143, two-way tie 4th. 4.5 points.
Assists: 221, 5th. 4 points.
Points: 364, 5th. 4 points.
+/-: 45, 2nd. 7 points.
PIM: 342, 3rd. 6 points.
PPP: 138, 6th. 3 points.
GWG: 23, three-way tie 3rd. 5 points.Total Skaters: 33.5 points. 3rd.
W: 28, 6th. 3 points.
S%: .909, three-way tie 3rd. 5 points.
GAA: 2.59, 4th. 5 points.
SO: 2, 7th. 2 points.Total Goalies: 15 points. 6th.
Total: 48.5 points. 6th.
The Heart Throb:
Goals: 63. 8th. 1 point.
Assists: 169. 8th. 1 point.
Points: 232. 8th. 1 point.
+/-: -28. 8th. 1 point.
PIM: 313, 4th. 5 points.
PPP: 101. 8th. 1 point.
GWG: 8. 8th. 1 point.Total Skaters: 11 points. 8th.
W: 19, 8th. 1 point.
S%: .901, 8th. 1 point.
GAA: 2.77, 8th. 1 point.
SO: 1, 8th. 1 point.Total Goalies: 4 points. 8th.
Total: 15 points. 8th.
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
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Plenty of stuff has happened lately. I might blog about it soon.
Right now, however, I just want to review a quick quote from last night's Family Guy. This quote has skyrocketed up my "Favorite Things Ever Said on Television" list.
Last night, after Stewie became president, he issued the following law...
Stewie: Also, anybody who uses one of the following words or phrases -- "irregardless," "a whole 'nother," or "all of the sudden," -- will be sent to a work camp.
Thank goodness I'm not the only one who thinks that "a whole 'nother" sounds ridiculous. "Another" is a word. "Other" is a word. "'Nother" is not a word. Stop saying it like it is. Just seeing it written down should reveal how ridiculous it is.
Thank you, Family Guy, for vindicating my hatred of that phrase.
Thursday, 01 November 2007
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This is why I love the internet.
Birds, dancing to The Backstreet Boys.
Also, the Toledo MudHens have made an offer to A-Rod. Go Hens!
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DrizzleWizzle
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- Name: Drew
- Birthday: 9/22/1983
- Gender: Male
- Member Since: 6/21/2005
About Me
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WARNING - This blog contains a lot of words. Those who are frightened or intimidated by reading are advised to seek their entertainment elsewhere. I recommend a shiny ball of foil. (Thanks, R. Millholland!)
